The Power of Her Gaze
by viciouslyvicious
Summary: Do you believe in something stronger than instinct, stronger than rational thinking, stronger than logic? Do you believe that it can affect anyone, anywhere? Rated M just to be safe for later chapters. Tokio Hotel
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Tokio Hotel or anything else like that, just this story that I made up. I hope people like it. It's my first TH fan fic, so be nice : )

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The car ride had seemed longer than it really was. Of course, that always happened on nights like these. I could glimpse the sun slowly fading behind the horizon from between the buildings. Each time an orange ray flashed across my eyes, I was grateful for the dark sunglasses I wore. My hands were in my lap, fingers twined together nervously. We all tried not to show it, but we all knew we always felt it. I studied my nails, trying to distract myself. The black and white contrast was painstakingly painted, except for a small chip of the black on my left pinky. Frowning, I rubbed at it. It was barely noticeable, but it bothered me. I was very particular about my appearance. There was no doubt that no one would notice it, but I knew I would. It would be too dark on stage for anyone to get a good look anyway.

As I rubbed, the multiple bracelets on my right wrist jingled slightly. I felt Tom jump next to me. The silence in the car had been so total that the noise had startled him. I glanced up at him quickly with an apologetic look, but he was gazing straight ahead, pretending to not notice. I knew he could see me out of the corner of his eye, so I humored him by looking back down. I'd stopped rubbing and closed my eyes, concentrating. We had a show tonight and I needed to focus.

I went over the words in my head, the words I had written and knew by heart, for something to do. Behind me, I could faintly hear Gustav tapping his fingers softly on the side of the car. Both he and Georg were looking out the windows, lost in thought. The driver was silent, as usual, behind he black screen that separated us. A manager at the place that was hosting our show was in the front seat next to him. I could see him shuffling some papers around, but couldn't hear it through the layer of glass between us. It was one of the rare few times that we didn't have an interviewer or camera in our faces, pestering us with questions everyone asked. "Are you nervous?" Duh. "Do you feel excited?" Well, since we've got adrenaline pounding in our ears, yes…duh. "How are you enjoying the city?" Its great, as always. They got tedious after a while, but we learned to smile and show enthusiasm without really feeling it.

I'd have to admit, that interviews were my least favorite part of being in the music industry. They were more of a Tom thing. I, myself, enjoyed being in the middle of the stage stoking the crowd for a bigger and bigger reaction. And the signs were a laugh. "Bill! Ich Liebe Dich!" and distorted images of my face floating around the mass sea of arms were proof that our fans loved us. Mostly our female fans. It was such a burst of self-esteem when you heard the screaming fan girls. It let you think what you could never say out loud without drawing selfish criticism. Yes, I am so fucking sexy they have to scream out my name when they see me. The humor in that statement always make me chuckle inside, and the media always interpreted that sly smile on my face as adoration for our fans. It made them happy and it made me happy. Who was complaining?

I was so lost in thought, that I was startled when the dark screen slid to the side and the manager's head swung into view. He was a middle aged man, with dirty blonde hair. It was cut short, but spiked messily. His eyes were an average shade of blue. I couldn't remember his name, though I was sure he'd told us before we'd gotten into the car. The man wore a serious expression on his face except for a slight, half-smile before he started talking. It did nothing to lighten the anxious mood.

"Ok guys," he started in German. "We're just a couple of blocks away from the building and here's what your going to do. You'll walk down the aisle we have set up for you and the fans will be about five feet away from you on either side. Feel free to sign anything you want, but keep it short. We're a little late for the first sound check." He paused to give me a meaningful look. I pretended I didn't know what he was talking about. So what if it took me a little bit longer than usual to fix my hair this morning? We were so busy I hadn't had time for a trim in a while, and the extra centimeters of length that were appearing made it harder to get it to stay up. Behind me, Georg chuckled.

"So," the manager continued, "when you get inside, go to your left and into the prep room and just hang out there until someone comes to get you." His eyes flipped down to what must have been his watch because a new urgency appeared in them. "And it shouldn't take long for someone to get you at all. Alright, everyone got a pen to sign with?"

I heard Georg mumble a yes and watched Tom pull a sharpie out of his oversized pocket and twirl it in the air with a smirk. I patted my pockets as I realized I'd forgotten mine in my rush.

"Oh I need one," I said and raised my hand slightly.

"I need a pen," Gustav called from behind me, his first two words overlapping with my last two. The manager grabbed two markers from the pile of four he'd had prepared. He shoved them through the opening into my waiting hand. I switched one of them into my other hand and reached over my shoulder to hand the remaining one to Gustav. As soon as I felt his grasp on it, I let go.

"Alright, everyone ready?" The driver asked, finally speaking up.

I nodded and looked out my window. Excitement flared in my chest when I heard the muffled screams as we pulled up to the curb.

"Let's go, let's go!" Tom yelled in my ear with a laugh as I opened the door. He sure was excited. I felt butterflies in my stomach as I stepped out and into the almost faded sunlight.

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Alright, that's the first chapter. Yeah I know it's long, but I know how much I appreciate long chapters so I thought I'd make 'em long. The only bad thing is that it takes a lot longer to write longer chapters so I'll be updating this story not as often as I'd like :( Sorry.

One other thing, I'm gonna be gone all next week, so no updates. Sorry again, but I'll work extra hard to write more once I get back :) I do have another chapter done, but I want people to tell me what they think so far before I update it. I haven't really gotten into the plot much in this chapter, but I promise there's more in the next. So, please review and tell me what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

OKAY OKAY I know it's been FOREVER but I was still writing and then my parents took my computer away and so FINALLY I have a super long chapter for you all. I kinda guessed on a lot of the details so yeah...enjoy...

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A smile spread across my face and I raised a hand in greeting, still standing in front of the car door. Tom shoved out from behind me and I stumbled a bit. He gave me a teasing look and walked out in front of me, tapping the rim of his hat at a few girls up front. They just screamed louder and shook their signs harder. I followed my brother, taking the left side while he covered the right. I assumed Gustav and Georg were doing the same as I couldn't turn around to see them. I was too occupied with the sea of papers and posters being shoved at me. A maze of hands reached out to touch me. It was vaguely creepy, but the invading desire of my fans was comforting. This was where I belonged.

Almost out of nowhere, security guards appeared at my sides. They would tap and push me gently along as I skimmed across the side, signing whatever I could see. I wasn't too random with who I'd sign things for. I'd take the crowd group by group. If no one in the group stood out, I'd just sign the first thing I saw. If there was a hot girl in a particular section, I'd sign her stuff first. Yeah, I know. I'm such a typical guy.

Urged by security, I finally made my way to the doors at the same time as Tom. We'd done this so many times that we always got our timing perfect. The guards opened the doors for as and we stepped inside. Behind us we heard the final desperate shouts of the fans as the G's followed us in.

The noise suddenly died to a murmur as the doors closed and we walked to the left, just as the manager had told us. I slowed so that Gustav could catch up to me.

"See any particularly hot ones?" I asked him with a raised eyebrow.

"Ah, Bill, you know there are always hot ones," he replied in a husky voice that hinted at humor.

"Yah, and fat ones, too," Georg added, laughing.

"Georg!" Tom called over his shoulder to us as he kept walking in a motherly manner. "That wasn't a very nice thing to say!" But he was laughing along with the rest of us. Joking around was what relieved the tension of playing a show.

Our prep room was small. It had a couple couches to crash on and schedules posted on the walls. In the corner was a cheap drum set to practice on and a couple guitars and basses. I wasn't surprised to see my bag, along with the other three's, tossed in the corner, just waiting for us.

Gustav was already heading for the drum set, so I threw myself on the couch. I was so light that it barely even shifted under my weight.

"Look out!" Tom said in a high pitched voice as he leapt towards where I sat sprawled out. I covered my face and shut my eyes as I felt him crash down on top of me with enough speed to make our combined weight force the couch to groan. He made a sound with his mouth that resembled a low explosion and elbowed me in the stomach lightly.

Used to his brotherly attacks, I merely pushed him off of me and to the side. I could hear Georg laughing and looked over to see he'd already picked up a bass and was pulling the strap over his head. Tom must have seen too, because he was suddenly taking charge.

"Hey, let's do Monsoon," he ordered as he lifted a guitar off the floor and placed it in his lap.

"Fine with me," Gustav agreed, twirling a drumstick in one hand. Gustav was always ready to play something. I secretly thought he just liked hitting things.

"Alright then, in English," I said. I wanted to practice in the language I was going to use tonight.

"Nein. In German."

"Who says you get to decide?"

"I'm the oldest twin. Deal with it."

"Fucking make me."

I kicked his elbow with my foot and glared, but he was already playing the opening notes. Gustav caught the beat and started playing within the first two notes. Georg was soon to follow. Grudgingly, I sat up and cleared my throat.

"Das fenster öffnet sich nicht mehr," I started, my voice filling the room.

We continued like that for the next five minutes or so until the door burst open and four people walked in. They were dressed in matching security jackets. I immediately stopped singing and looked up, ready to go. The warm up had gotten me excited to perform.

"Alright, let's go, let's go," they were saying, motioning for us and taking the instruments out of our hands. Shit, they were pushy. We must be really behind. Gustav just kept banging away on the drum set. As Tom and I were hustled out of the room, I saw Georg run behind Gustav and steal his hat. From behind me, I heard the drums suddenly stop with a crash and several loud obscene words aimed at Georg.

Overall, the sound check went well. Everything ran smoothly. Tom was picky, as usual, about how loud his guitar was, but other than that, the sound crew seemed happy with how our music was being projected into the huge room. I always loved to hear how loud and reverberating my voice was before the room was so full of fans' voices that it was hard to really hear it. I even chanted "I Am Iron Man!" in English because I'd just seen the movie on a plane the other day. That made everyone laugh.

There were only three hours left until we were going to perform. Even throughout the sound check and practice, we could all feel each other's nervousness. Tom's especially rubbed off on me. It's a twin thing. I can feel when he's upset or worried about something, and he can for me as well. It came in handy some times, but in situations like this one, it only added to my jittery nerves.

Next, we were hurried into a room occupied by a interviewer and camera crew. The order of events were so ordinary to us that we hardly noticed the sudden pressure to think of creative, new answers to the same questions over and over. Tom took over, as usual, and started ranting about something that happened once at a show.

"There was this one chick, and, ehm, she was just bright, y'know? She had like a billion of those glow in the dark bracelets on her, around her neck and her wrists and stuff…and I'm trying to play guitar and then I look out into the crowd and see here and it's like ah!" He shielded his eyes and laughed along with the interviewer. Whether the interviewer thought it was funny or not, I couldn't tell. They always thought whatever you had to say was funny. I started zoning out, only listening to hear my name or if a question was aimed at me.

The lack of concentration helped. Before I knew it, I felt the others starting to get up off the couch next to me and I quickly followed, trying not to look like I hadn't been paying attention to the camera. We shook hands, said thank you, and left. Now it was off to a final sound check and then we had an hour or so to get ready for the show.

The last sound check was a breeze. Everything was practically the same. The only thing they'd changed was the timing of the strobe lights and how loud Tom's guitar was, of course. I liked to tease him about how particular he was about it, but it usually ended in a fight. Not a scrape where one of us ended on the floor bleeding, but a brotherly tussle. Unfortunately, I usually lost these, because Tom's baggy clothes were so heavy. If I was trying to pull him off me, half the time I'd grab loose folds of cloth instead of him. My own lack of muscle didn't help either, but Tom was practically cheating with the extra weight his clothes gave him.

I soon found myself standing in front of the bathroom, adding layer after layer of hairspray to my deflating hair. The others were off doing various things to prepare themselves. I could hear Tom air guitaring on the other side of the bathroom door. I always found it amusing how he could sing riffs from our songs using words like "bah dah luh," or "Nuh nah nuh." He was currently humming Break Away. "Bahduhluh Bahduhluh Bahduhlah Bahduhluh duh duh." That weird twin vibe shot threw me again as I listened to him hum. I looked over at the clock sitting on the countertop, realized there was only forty minutes left, and felt a shiver go down my spine. Outside the bathroom, there was a short pause in Tom's air guitaring.

Running my eyes over the mane of black that was my hair, I checked to see if everything was as perfect as it possibly could be. I liked perfection before the show, so that as I was rocking out on stage, it would be okay if it got messed up slightly. I wiped away a smudge of make up out of the corner of my eye and redrew it carefully with my eyeliner pencil. Careful to not mess up anything else, I placed the hairspray back in my bag, along with my make up and other various hair items.

A loud, sudden bang on the door made me jump in reflex. I was nervous enough already that this didn't help one bit.

"Out of the bathroom already! I've been waiting twenty minutes to piss," Georg complained as his fist beat against the door again. Done with the bathroom, I decided to stay inside anyway. Who said a little fun before the show would hurt anybody? I tried not to burst out laughing as I imagined his strained face. Quickly grabbing my hairspray from my bag again, I sprayed it in a variety of long and short bursts in the air. I hoped it sounded like I was still fixing my hair.

"Not done yet!" I called over my shoulder towards the door. "Has to be perfect!" My lack of proper grammar would make him think I was concentrating on my hair, when in actuality, I was practically holding my breath to keep from laughing out loud.

"Bill!" Georg shouted, hitting the door three times in a row. Next to him I could hear Tom laughing. My twin's laughter was a confirmation that my image of Georg's face had been correct. My insides shook with sly mirth. I had to cover my mouth to muffle the short chuckle that escaped, but I failed to mute the gasp that I involuntarily had released. The sharp intake of air clued Georg in on my prank.

"BILL!" Georg was furious. I could tell that he could tell that I was pretending. My false pretense was up, but that didn't mean I had to let him in just yet. "I really have to go! This isn't funny. Open the fucking door!"

"Nein!"

"God dammit, Bill, OPEN THE DOOR."

"Make me," I taunted, letting my laughter roll freely off my tongue now. The poor door shook like it was going to snap in half. I watched the handle twitch as he jerked it back and forth with the hand that wasn't busy trying to break the door down. For a second, fear flashed through me as I pictured what could happen to me as if I took this too far. Tom and I weren't the only ones who fought.

"Why didn't you go earlier when it wasn't so bad?" I taunted. I heard him groan as he replied in a rushed sentence.

" 'Cause Gustav and I were in the middle of a video game and I didn't want to lose so will you PLEASE JUST OPEN THE DOOR?!"

Sounds of laughter identical to my own were coming from the other side of the door as well. This infuriated Georg. I heard him bang two last times, very roughly. My eyes were squeezed shut against the tears that threatened to brim over and ruin my make up. This fact and the fact that Georg was about ready to murder me at this point, was enough.

I ripped up my bag quickly, hairspray still in hand. Bracing myself, I shouldered my bag and took a deep breath. It was hard to do. With a quick, lithe motion, I pulled the door open so that it was a barrier between the fuming Georg and myself. He was in the room within a half a second. As he turned to reach for me, I sprayed my hairspray in the general direction of his face, probably missing because I was already racing to get out and to the safety that was the wall next to Tom. I succeeded, narrowly missing the door slamming on the back of my foot.

Both Tom and I couldn't even breathe. These were the good times. The times when we could just laugh until we felt lightheaded and dizzy. It brought us together as brothers, and the whole band into a single unit. Then we heard the sound of Georg relieving himself. I was laughing so uncontrollably, I leaned against Tom to keep from sliding down the wall as I gasped for air. He leaned back, doing the same.

Before long there was only half an hour left. It was time for our ritual. Gustav was already sitting on the couch, plugged in to his ipod. There was a distance, closed look to his eyes. Georg, Tom and I made our way towards him. Tom sprawled in a large armchair across from him, while Georg sat down on the floor, legs crossed. He folded his hands together, his elbows resting on his knees. His long brown hair filtered across his face, lost in thought. I could feel the nervous atmosphere kicking in again. Instead of sitting, I leaned against a wall, one knee folded with my foot flat against the wall as well. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and sang the words in my head again.

We were all swimming in our own seas of anxiety. It was something we all did half an hour before a show. The jittery twitching of my stomach muscles made me bite my lower lip slightly. I've done this too many times to count. I should be used to it, but I wasn't. I hoped I never did. The anxiety leading up to the show made the performance even better.

It seemed that those last thirty minutes had passed all too quickly. Right on time, we were hustled to right behind the stage. I tried to pay attention as a grumpy-sounding man explained what we had to do, just minutes before the show would start. In the background I could faintly hear the screaming. Didn't their lungs ever give out?

"Okay, you're all set. Go out there and rock!" he suddenly finished, his voice changing pitch as he tried to be more enthusiastic. We all stood there for a few seconds, completely not focusing on what we had to do. If we didn't think about it, we could do it better than if we did. Gustav led the way to the stage and the screaming, followed closely by Georg and Tom. They already had their instruments in hand. I was to make my appearance last, when the first words of "Ready, Set, Go!" began. Desperate to gather myself, I closed my eyes and listened to the microphone in my ear tell me what to do, blindly following.

"Get ready." I took a breath.

"Mic in hand." I clenched my fingers around it tightly. I heard the soft clicking of the beat in my ear. I nodded my head to it slightly to get the rhythm in my veins.

"Two measures," the voice told me. "One, two, three, four…" I opened my eyes as the calm voice counted the first measure and rushed towards the stage. Right on cue I sang the words.

"We," I sang loud and clear into the mic. The fans went wild. It was dark and there were lights all around us. I could feel the cameras on my face and the adoring eyes of hundreds of fans. "Were running through the town," I continued, happy to hear that my voice was hitting each note perfectly so far. "Our senses had been drowned. No place we hadn't been before." I was getting into my element, moving my body to the beats and looking in different directions to appease the eyes that watched me.

"We," I could heard more and more people singing along, now that they too were getting into the song and out of the shock that it really was Tokio Hotel standing in front of them, that it really was Bill Kaulitz's voice singing to them. "Learned to live and then," I grabbed the mic stand in my left hand, knees slightly bend, still dancing to the beat as I sang the words with so many other voices. "Our freedom came to an end. We have to break down," I pulled my torso slightly towards the ground as I sang the last words and released myself to stand upright as I finished the phrase, "this wall."

I changed it up by looking to my left with a mischievous raised eyebrow. My eyes scanned the audience as I moved my head to the right in one slow glaze. Or at least that's what would have happened.

"To young to live a lie," I was able to sing before my line of vision had reached the very center front of the audience.

I don't know what it was that made me struggle not to gasp. It wasn't one specific thing I noticed, but a gut-wrenching feeling that was suddenly fighting viciously to break through my skin. I felt the heat of it's desire race up into my throat. I was transfixed. All I was capable of doing in that split second between the pre-chorus and chorus was look deeper than a thousand oceans into the eyes that captured me. It threw me off. My breath caught short.

Something inside me lurched forward, gnawing to get out. A piece of me, tearing away to join another piece I never knew I was missing. It frightened me. I didn't know what was happening. This all happened in a split second, like a brief stab to my mental composure.

The fact that she wasn't moving at all, except to keep herself upright in the mass wave of pushing was enough to make me even more nervous than I already was. I don't even know why. It was like an instinct that I shouldn't, couldn't, look away. Her eyes were a deep black, glinting in the lights that flashed around me. From what I could tell as I was locked in her gaze, she wasn't blinking. It was like a three second staring contest that I couldn't win, because the crowd was calling to me, pulling me away from her mesmerizing eyes. Her heavy eyeliner accented the deep richness of them. I only had a glance at her face, but I was dumbstruck. She was, undoubtedly, the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. The almond shape of her eyes and prominent cheekbones hinted at an oriental ethnic background, but it wasn't quite overpowering. Her nose was too pointed to be asian, and her chin too small and delicate. I was amazed I could remember that much about her in the next few seconds after my line of sight was ripped away to attend to the show. How I wished I could have gazed with her longer, but I couldn't let the others down and ruin a show just to look in her eyes. It took almost everything I had.

"Ready, set, go, it's time to run!" I recovered, my voice not as sure as it had been just seconds before, but I was already sliding easily back into the beat. I could feel Tom behind me. I could feel his confusion at the break in focus he must have felt in me. "The sky is changing, we are one!" I was trying to be more enthusiastic than necessary with my singing to reassure the guys. I'd skipped a whole line while looking at the girl. "Together we can make it while the world…is…crashing…down," I swung my arms back and forth, exaggerating the motions with the words. "Don't you turn around!" It took quite a bit of effort not to look back down at where I knew she was looking up at me silently during the short instrumental break between the chorus and verse. "We…are looking back again. Our loneliness and pain. Never been so wide awake." Within moments, I had almost completely forgotten about the mysterious girl in the front row, with the piercing eyes.

The rest of the show went as smoothly as any other we'd played this tour; perfect. Inside I felt bad for being the first of the four to screw up, but I was trying not to think about it. It was too unnatural. Something about it scared me, deep in the pit of my stomach. I'd never felt something as strongly as that. I didn't even know what to call it. It was like my soul was tapping into hers through her eyes. I shook off the feeling for the third time as we rushed around backstage getting changed.

Our manager, David, was standing in the closed doorway. We ignored him in our rush to change and wipe off the sweat. This was so routine that it was perfectly normal for David to be watching and instructing us as we hurried. I ripped my sticky shirt over my head with no difficulty, though it was so tight on my small figure.

"You guys have got four people too meet tonight and then you're free to hit whatever clubs you want to while we're still in town," he informed us, motioning for Gustav to wear a hat because his hair was sticking to his head so much. Nodding, Gustav complied. Tom and Georg were just finishing and sat on the couch. Gustav joined them as David kept talking.

"You guys were good tonight," he stopped. I looked up as I slipped on clean jeans. David was giving me a hard look, a look that said I-Plan-On-Talking-To-You-Later-About-Tonight-Because-I-Know-Something-Is-Up. I gulped and looked away, fixing my belt. The last thing I needed was to have people ask me to explain why I messed up so badly tonight. All it would do is get me to start thinking about…_that_…again and it would only make me more distracted. I wouldn't admit out loud that I was scared of the intensity of what I'd felt on stage. In fact, I wasn't scared, I was just surprised. Yeah, it'd just caught me off guard. I nodded vaguely as I tried to convince myself.

David took that nod as a yes and turned to back to the others. I quickly ran into the bathroom and touched up my hair in ten seconds. Just a little hairspray to keep it in place until I had more time to redo it. Again, I swiped a smudge of eyeliner from the corner of my eye and I went to join Tom, Georg, and Gustav on the couch.

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You should all be happy to know that I've already started on the next chapter and I should have it up soon IF I CAN...no guarantees here... Thanks to everyone who reviewed ) I'm always open to new ideas if you have any, but whether I use them or not is my choice :P R&R plz!


	3. Chapter 3

Okay here's the third part, and probably my worst chapter so far, but people want more so here it is :) I probably won't be the best updater cuz I can't post something until I've already started the next part, I just can't. It's a physical impossibility for me lol So at least you'll all know that I at least have something for you in the future if I update :)

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We watched David mutter something into a walkie talkie he had and then leave the room with a mouthed 'good luck.' Tom gave him a small thank-you wave next to me. The door closed behind David and within seconds we could hear footsteps down the hallway. I concentrated on putting on my camera smile as the door opened to reveal four squeamish fan girls and two security guards.

"Hallo!" we all greeted them trying not so show our exhaustion. Three of the four girls just blushed and mumbled greetings. The fourth, however gave us a big toothy grin and practically sang her name at us, her voice was so musical.

"Hi, guys! My name's Erin," Her eyes scanned over us, looking pleased. I noticed one of the girls give her a hurtful look as the loud girl's eyes rested on me for a few seconds. I tried to seem enthusiastic. I liked to meet new people but my mind wasn't willing to pay attention right now. I couldn't get _her _face out of my head. I had to look right above their heads and blink hard to make the image go away. I didn't want to look away and seem rude, so looking above them would create the illusion I needed. To tell the truth, I found myself disappointed that the girl from the crowd wasn't one of them, even though I was trying to forget about it.

The security guards motioned for them to sit on the couch across from us and left the room. As the girls filed down, I noticed the posters and pens in their hands, and made a mental note that I knew I would have to sign them all later. Erin sat herself down right in the middle of them, directly across from me. She smiled that toothy grin when I looked at her and I smiled back. She seemed like a nice girl. Tom leaned forwards and rested his elbows on his knees. Sometimes I wondered how he could find where his knees were because his pants were so baggy. Did he ever miss? I laughed on the inside and it showed in my smile. Instantly I cursed myself, because I'd still been smiling at Erin and now she thought I'd been thinking about her as I smiled so sweetly. Damn. I hate giving people the wrong idea on accident. I do it way more often then I'd like.

"So, ladies," I heard Tom say and without having to look I knew he was giving them his sexy smile, the smile that meant he was ready to hit on them so hard they wouldn't have time to think twice. To my surprise, only the girl on the end blushed and looked down with a soft giggle. I turned to Tom and saw that he was staring her down, the smile plastered on his face. He was looking at her and only her. I guess he'd made his pick. I looked at her again. She was small, very petite, but her curves were excellent. I hope I wouldn't have to listen to them all night. It took a lot of effort not to roll my eyes and smile instead.

I wondered why none of the other girls had been as effected by Tom as the one girl had been. Just by looking in each of their eyes, I instantly knew why. Every single one of them had their gaze fixed on me. It should have been flattering, but sometimes my fans who got a little too crazy about me really freaked me out. I felt my welcoming smile turn into an uneasy one, but it didn't show.

"Vat did you think of the show?" I asked, trying to distract myself from the mood of the girls. I watched them smile at my German accent as I spoke in English. They all tried to speak, but Erin drowned them all out.

"It was amazing! You are probably the coolest person in the world, Bill!" Her enthusiasm and tone of voice were awed. I kind of liked how she spoke, as long as it wasn't so loud. Her voice had a definite ring to it, almost melodic. It was the kind of voice that you could fall asleep to while you listened to it read you a story. Calming, as long as she wasn't practically yelling.

"Vhy, thank you," I said, smiling again.

"Ah Bill," I heard Georg say from the end of the couch. "Being so modest." I laughed on the inside. 'Modest' was an English word that he's learned the other day. He used to say 'humble' instead. I knew he was using the opportunity to try the new word out. I also laughed on the outside in a teasing way as I looked over. He didn't make eye contact. He was checking out the melodic girl instead. What was her name, Erin? I met so many people every day that I could barely remember their names five minutes after they told them to us. It was something I needed to work on.

"Oh nein, Georg," I said sarcastically. "You are de coolest person in de vorld, so I cannot be it."

Everyone laughed.

"So, vat are your names?" Tom asked gesturing with his hands, though his elbows were still planted on his thighs. He was doing that fidgety thing he always does; his knees rock back and forth against each other. Tom can never just sit still. "Ve know that you are Erin," he looked at her for a second, then to the girl on the end opposite the girl he was interested in and trailed off.

She seemed startled for a second, as if she'd been daydreaming or fantasizing, and answered quickly. "Oh, I'm Julia." Her thin hand reached up and brushed a strand of golden brown hair out of her eyes, embarrassed.

"Danielle," said the red head next to her.

"Erin, as you already know." She seemed proud about this for some reason. I will never understand fan girls...

Tom stared right at the girl he'd purposefully put off to the end. She blushed harder than she already was, which was hard to see.

"I'm Sarah," she said softly, caught in Tom's gaze. For a split second, I understood the look in her eyes, how completely lost she was in Tom's, and I immediately thought of that girl in the crowd. It was strange and it startled me. I realized I was looking at my feet with my brow furrowed. Quickly, but not so quickly that I didn't look composed, I looked up again with a grin. Tonight, it was harder than ever to fake it.

Gustav, who was seated beside me, rolled his eyes. I was tempted to do the same thing, but this was far from the first time we'd had to sit and watch Tom be romantic with total stranger, and it was far from the last as well.

"It's very nice to meet you, Sarah," Tom said, just as softly with a wink only she and I could see from this angle. This time I really did roll my eyes when I heard her giggle. Yeah, I'll probably have to listen to them all night...

Half an hour later, when the security guards came back, they found all eight of us standing. Gustav, Georg, and I were busy signing all the posters and CDs they'd brought, while Tom was signing their chests. The four girls were also taking pictures with us and of us as if it was the end of the world. I was signing the red head's US Scream album when I saw Tom signing Sarah out of the corner of my eye. He moved the pen slowly, and when he'd finished he looked up into her eyes. So smoothly, flawless from experience, he ran a hand through her shimmering blonde hair and kissed her. I looked away. Why did my brother have to be so full of himself? I thought I saw a camera flash in their direction.

As security got ready to escort them away, I smiled my picture smile again.

"It vas very nice to meet you all. Thank you for coming to de show," I said formally.

"Goodbye," we all waved as they left. I noticed Sarah had a piece of paper in her hand.

"Auf Wiedersehen!" Erin called out as the door closed. The melody her voice had made out of the phrase echoed in the silence as we all sat for a second, relieved that it was over.

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Don't forget that ideas are always welcome whether I use them or not! Please review. It helps me get past the writers block (which happens often, mind you). I've already got at least five paragraphs of the next chapter :)


	4. Chapter 4

I'm so sorry! I know, I'm going to burn in hell for not updating in so long. Oh well...

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"She was interesting," Georg announced, breaking the silence. I laughed.

"Erin?" I wanted to be sure we were talking about the same girl. I had seen Georg looking at her after all.

"Ja."

"I like her voice," I said, placing a slim finger on my chin and thinking. I tilted my head to the side when I suddenly felt something, something almost sad. Turning to look at Tom, I saw him staring at the blank wall. The look on his face explained what I felt. No doubt he was thinking about Sarah. Aw, Tomi, he must be missing her already. With a jolt the feeling turned to excitement. I quickly stopped pitying him when I realized that he was probably thinking of what they would do later this evening.

I pushed myself off of the couch and stretched. I needed a shower, badly. I started thinking about how I would take one when we got back to the hotel, which caused my thoughts to switch to what we would do afterwards; hit the clubs. I smiled, just what Tom needed. Even if he was having dirty thoughts and being annoying, he was still Tom, my twin. It was my job to cheer him up no matter what. It had always been that way. The clubs would be a perfect distraction for him until he met up with Sarah later.

Raising my left arm in the hair and placing my hand on my right hip, I let my upper body fall to the right. I felt the stretch pull on the muscle down my left side. It felt good. I half skipped, half galloped over to where Tom was sitting and did the other side, pausing at the bottom. I looked up at his slanted face in my horizontal vision. He didn't look at me, but looked down at his hands instead.

"Hallo Tomi," I mocked and stuck out my tongue. Half reluctantly, he shifted his gaze to my face. He took in my appearance. I was bent over sideways with my right arm sticking straight out and head parallel to the ground, my tongue out to top it all. He gave me a raised eyebrow before laughing. Satisfied, I straightened up so I was standing normally again. All the stretching felt good. Laughing along, I plopped down next to him. All we had to do now was wait for the security to come back to escort us to the car. I used to think that security was a waste of time and money, but after getting to know how crazy some fans were, I completely supported them. It'd only taken one mobbing to change my mind.

I tapped my fingers lightly against the fabric of the couch, waiting. In my head, I began envisioning what I would change into tonight. I was having fun, being creative while assembling my outfit, when the door opened. I was startled out of my thinking and got up to follow the security guards that had entered the room. Silently, the Gs and Tom did the same. After all the planning, I found myself excited to go back to the hotel. I couldn't wait to put on a new outfit.

"What are you so happy about?" Georg asked me suddenly with a snort as we walked down the hall. I realized that I'd been smiling this whole time.

"Absolutely nothing!" I replied, widening my smile and my eyes. He gave me a look that clearly said 'whatever, why did I even ask? I should be used to your randomness by now...' I laughed.

Instead of leaving through the entrance we'd arrived at, the two burly security guards led us to the back. I could see the car through the glass of the door. It was a black car with tinted windows, just waiting, as always. As we left the building, I slipped my sunglasses on. It was dark already so there was no point, but I didn't want cameras flashing in my face. There was a very slight chance that they wouldn't recognize me because my hair was starting to deflate. But I was with the rest of the band and as a group, we really stand out.

Not wasting any time, we were rushed across the short distance and into the car. As the last door slammed shut, I thought I heard fangirls starting to scream. The engine had already been running, as if the driver expected a quick get-away. With accuracy and speed we were whipped away, down the dark alley. From where I sat in the back, I watched the dark walls break away to a busy street. Soon we were lost among the many cars around us; safe.

Next to me, Georg leaned forward and tapped the top of Tom's hat sharply.

"Hey, so where're we going tonight?" He slouched over the seat, arms dangling loosely over it. I cringed. Georg should know better than that. I remained facing the window. The last thing I wanted was to get involved.

With a sudden burst of energy, Tom whipped around and smacked Georg across the side of his head. Quickly, out of reflex, the bassist pulled away. But he wasn't fast enough to avoid Tom's flailing smacks as he shrieked.

"Don't touch the hat!" Though he didn't show it often, Tom had just as much energy as I did at times. He truly is my twin brother. Finally, Georg was able to escape and lean back in his seat panting. I still sat motionless next to him, my upper torso pointed towards the window. I tried to look lost in thought and deeply ignorant of what had just happened, but in reality I was listening intently for Georg's reaction. To my surprise Georg was slow to respond. I counted to thirty before I couldn't resist shifting my gaze towards them slightly.

Tom continued to glare at him over his shoulder, gnawing on his lip barbell menacingly. Other than that he wasn't moving, though he was still tensed like he could jump over the back of the seat and attack Georg again. I looked at Georg. His face was still frozen in half shock. The other half was more of a wide-eyed staring challenge. Both of their eyes were locked on each other, trying to judge who had overstepped their bounds.

Then, for no apparent reason, Tom burst into an award-winning smile and answered Georg's question as if he'd just asked what his favorite food was, melty caramel soaking the tone of his voice.

"The Amber Light."

Gustav and I, who had remained silent the whole time, exploded into hysterics. Tom immediately joined in, already past his fit of irritation. I glanced at Georg again. He wasn't laughing along, though there was a hint of a smile on his lips. For a second, I was worried that he was going to hold a grudge, but I'd barely had time to think of the concept before he broke out laughing as well. I let a little of my relief flow into my laughter. Good, everything was as it should be.

Another few minutes of meaningless conversation passed. I was just finishing telling Tom my opinion of the venue we'd just played when the car rolled to a complete stop.

"Here we are," the driver said in very poor German as the engine died. I appreciated the effort, but it was obvious that he learned the one phrase specifically for this occasion.

"Danke schön!" I said, nevertheless, as I climbed over the folded seat in front of me. The security that had already been waiting there for us shut the door behind me and waved the car off. I was so used to the screams that I barely noticed them. A careful shield of guards around us, we walked forwards towards the hotel doors, pushing our way through the crowd of fans. I was too tired to smile, so I kept my eyes down at my feet. Suddenly, I was grateful I'd put on my sunglasses before we got in the car. Beside me, I heard Tom pause, wave, and greet the fans briefly. In less than a minute, we'd made it inside. Thankfully, the hotel staff had kept the lobby area clear for us. No fans. I eyed the couches longingly. What I wouldn't do to just throw myself onto one of those and fall asleep...

Instead, all four of us headed for the elevators. We didn't need the guards anymore. As much as I would have liked to just crash right now, I needed that shower too much. The sticky perspiration from playing the show hadn't worn off completely when I'd changed in the dressing room, so some sweat had gotten on these clothes.

Gustav pushed the up button as we all stood waiting. I crossed my arms across my chest and let my head fall to the right a little. Yeah, a shower was exactly what I needed. One; to get clean. Two; to wake up a bit. And three; to get rid of the hideous odor I could smell wafting from my armpits. Ew. Why do people always have to smell bad? Couldn't there be some gene that would make everyone smell good no matter what? Many fans that I've met and posed for pictures with smelled okay, but then there were the ones that made it hard for you to keep a straight face and smile politely into their camera. Ick.

With a soft ding that sounded like a 'welcome back' the doors opened. We all pushed our way into the elevator. Georg hit the button for floor 5 with the back of his fist as he walked in. I leaned against the side wall, the railing pressing into the top of my thighs. I glanced at the far wall. It was literally one big mirror. Despite the sweat, I still looked amazing. It was something that I prided myself on. I loved it when I knew I looked good. I never mentioned it to anyone, of course. That would just be too full of myself. But its such a feeling of self-confidence when you know you look great, when you can rely on it.

Tom was standing by the wall across from me. He was facing me and his hands gripped the bar of railing behind him. He yawned loudly and tapped his hands on the railing in a familiar rhythm. I nodded my head to the beat. I saw Gustav tap his foot. Georg laughed at us. I smiled. I could hear the music in my head and knew exactly where we were in the song.

"You can't make me stay! I'll break away!" I sang, my voice echoing in the small box-like room. "Break away!" The mood was so much more relaxed when we did this. It brought us together. That's the most important thing.

With another ding, I felt the elevator come to a stop and the watched the doors open from the mirror. I was still humming Break Away as we all filed out and into the hallway. Without goodbyes, we split up to go to our rooms. Tom and Gustav headed left, while Georg and I turned right. I pointed to each door that I passed until I got to my room, counting in my head. Room 547. I quickly unlocked it with the plastic card key and stepped inside. Everything was neat and tidy. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the bed was made as I walked towards the bathroom. The maid must have been in here while we were gone. I know I'd left it messy before the show. I kicked the bathroom door halfway shut with the back of my heel behind me. Like clockwork, I flipped on the lights and fan, got the water running, and stripped. My clothes in a heap on the floor, I reached for the bag on the counter. The dull roar of the shower and droning of the fan made everything sound muffled. I barely heard the zipper on my bag of toiletries as I opened it.

Barely focusing, I grabbed a cotton pad and make up remover. I let my thoughts wander as I scrubbed off the heavy black that surrounded my eyes. I wasn't thinking about any one thing in particular. Just whatever came to mind. And that was a mistake. Before I even realized it, I was thinking about the one image I had of her. That split second of staring at her face. I shook myself out of roaming the gentle curve of her cheekbones with my mind and frowned. Blinking twice, I tossed the now-black cotton pad in the trash and climbed into the shower, wincing as the hot water burned my skin. I twisted the knob in the opposite direction slightly. Gradually, it cooled down to a comfortable temperature. That's one thing I wasn't too fond of. In every new hotel we stay at, it takes me at least two showers before I can remember what position of the knob is just right.

For a minute, I just stood there letting the water run down my back, calming me. I closed my eyes and took a step back. The water rained down right on top of my head. I felt it flatten my hair and run down my face. With a deep breath, I relaxed my shoulders.

Once again, I hadn't realized I was thinking about her until her glistening onyx eyes filled my whole brain. I snapped myself back to earth (because thinking about her definitely wasn't earthly, it was heavenly) and quickly wiped the water out of my face with both hands. I found myself frowning again as I reached for the shampoo bottle. A mixture of confusion, frustration, and fear crept over me as I squeezed a small amount into my hand. I slammed the bottle back down harder than I meant to and the noise almost made me jump.

I was confused because this whole thing made no sense. Why does this girl affect me so much? I don't even know her. All I saw was a few seconds of her face. And that alone completely threw me off during the concert and now I can't get her out of my head! What is wrong with me?

This is where the frustration kicked in. I must be at fault, because this girl is perfect. I probably didn't do anything to her. For all I know, she didn't even realize I was looking at her. She could be home right now squealing about how awesome the concert was to her friends. No, I corrected myself, she doesn't seem the type to squeal like that over a band. She seems mature and composed. And strikingly beautiful to top it off. God, why am I so weak against her? How can two seconds completely rewire my brain like this?!

And all the while, in the background, fear gnawed at my train of thought. This obsession was completely irrational and unknown to me. And the unknown scared me. Not that I would ever admit it, even to justify this.

Practically furiously, I worked the shampoo into my tangled hair. I focused as hard as I could on making sure every strand was washed so I couldn't think about...that...Still moving in quick motions and trying to keep myself from thinking about anything at all, I scrubbed the bar of soap all over my body and rinsed everything. It was hard to keep my mind clear, almost futile. It was like trying to hold a crumbling dam in place when your knees feel like they could give out any second. The flood of thoughts of her were so overpowering that I was amazed that I made it out of the shower without the mental dam completely breaking down.

Methodically, I rubbed the stick of deodorant under my arms and put everything back in my toiletry bag. To my surprise, I almost felt like smiling as I wrapped a towel around my waist. I walked out of the steamy bathroom and flipped both the light and fan off.

Calmly, now that she was out of my head, I opened my suitcase full of clothes and picked out the outfit I'd planned. I was safe. Dressing would keep my mind occupied for a while. I hummed a little tune I'd made up for no reason as I pulled the clothes onto my body, smiling. Once the articles of clothing were on me, I opened a different suitcase that had a bag of jewelry and accessories in it. I put on the items I'd thought of before in the backstage room. Naturally, everything I'd picked looked great together as well as on me.

Once again, I walked into the bathroom to see myself in the mirror. This time I left the fan off. Most of the steam had disappeared from the large mirror, leaving just a few hazy spots on the edges. I bit my lip in thought as I studied my face. If I was going to the clubs with the others tonight, I needed to put on some make up. But if didn't I wouldn't have to. I tried to picture myself at the club. What had Tom say it was called? The Amber Light? It would be noisy and crowded with men and women flirting, drinking, and using lots of body language. I could see myself pushing my way through the crowd, weaving a path in a way that looked more like a cat than a man. I could see myself looking into the faces of the people around me, searching for one that caught my eye. The lights would be flashing and dancing across their faces as the beat made everything seem surreal. Before I realized it, I knew I'd be looking for one specific face. Her face. Because deep down I know that's the one I'd want to see. And it unnerved me. What would I do if I found her? Would she recognize me? Of course she would. Everyone would. Would I recognize her. Without a doubt. Would I talk to her? What would I say? Would I even get that far? Would I avoid her? What would she say back?

I had to cover my eyes with my palms and literally shake myself out of my train of thought. I don't think I could bear seeing her. I noticed my hands had grown sweaty, leaving little wet spots around my eyes. I realized I was nervous. If we ever met face to face... I had to stop. I honestly didn't know how I would react. I drew a complete blank.

Seeing that my mind was clearly not cooperating with me, I decided not to go with the others. I didn't want to take the chance if her being there. Or running into someone who reminded me of her.

"I'll just stay here and watch TV," I said to myself cheerily. I nodded as I made up my mind, trying to hold up the dam in my head before my traitor brain could start thinking of her again.

Getting up, I walked briskly over to my bed stand. Resting on top was my phone and ipod. I grabbed the phone and held down 2, speed dial for Tom. It rang three times before I heard him on the other end.

"Hey." In the background I thought I heard the TV.

"Hey Tomi, I think I'm just gonna stay here at the hotel tonight," I told him right away.

"You sure? I know clubs aren't really your thing but..."

"Yah, I'll just stay and watch some TV."

"Ok." The line went dead. I hung up and put my phone in my pocket. With a long exhale, I looked around for the remote control. It was laying on the cabinet next to the TV across from my bed. Without really focusing, I snatched it away from the TV and climbed onto the bed. I took one of the pillows and sat cross legged with it in my lap. Hotel pillows were always so soft, like a small cloud. My hair was still damp as I hugged the pillow. Sighing, I flipped on the TV, chose a random channel, settled in for the night.

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PLEASE review... It helps me keep writing. So if you want more, you know what to do. ;)


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